


there.

by Pinkpuddles



Series: Phan Drabbles/One Shots (Short) [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Blood, Character Death, Drabble, Insomnia, M/M, Short One Shot, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:12:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkpuddles/pseuds/Pinkpuddles
Summary: Phil wished he had been there for him.





	there.

**Author's Note:**

> this is majorly angsty so don't read if you're in more of a fluff mood

Phil wished he was there. Phil would have given all he had- absolutely everything just to turn back time and be stood there. He could have helped. He could have stopped it. But he was halfway around London, with his friends, having fun, whilst his life shattered- unbeknownst to him.

He wished he paid more attention. He wished he cared more. Well it's not like he didn't care, he cared so much, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough because now the only person who has ever been there for him, the only person he has ever loved that much, was dead.

Dead. Not alive. Dead.

He wasn't going to speak again, walk again, do things. Because he was six feet under. And it was Phil's fault.

Dan had been struggling for a few years when Phil met him for the first time. Phil had helped him, as much as he could, and Dan got better. Dan was okay.

But then he wasn't. He got thinner and quieter and more withdrawn- and Phil blames himself for being so stupid. How could he not have realised that Dan was struggling again? He didn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, but Phil just brushed it off.

Phil knew it was his fault. He was so blind that he didn't notice Dan's state. Dan's family, Phil's family, his friends had all reassured him that there was nothing he could have done. They were wrong.

Dan was too dehydrated and starved, and his body had given up. Whilst Phil had been parading around London, Dan had collapsed onto the carpet of their bedroom, unconscious, and had smacked his head against the bedside table on the way. All whilst Phil was having fun, smiling. Unaware.

Phil doesn't remember coming home. But he remembers the pain, finding Dan, pale, lifeless, lying on their floor, his head resting against the crimson stained carpet. He remembers clearly, quickly gathering the boy into his arms, his tears obscuring his vision as he screamed. He remembers the paramedics, though not calling them, and he remembers one of them placing their hand on his shoulder gently and telling him that there was nothing they could do for him.

Dan's presumed time of death was 14:19, on the 18th of October, 2017. Four hours before Phil got home. Four hours. Four. Whole. Hours.

It was Phil's fault.

And he knew it.


End file.
